What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

Was there any slavery of white people that actually compares to the transatlantic slave trade? I’m not baiting or anything actually genuinely curious and want to know.

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

Why didn't Taylor Swift do Taylor Swift (Taylors version)?

True - how I loved my mum!

What do you mean son?

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

Should I have left it alone and kept quiet? I came out as gay to my adult kids last week. Age 61 married 15 years, divorced for 20. I feel so guilty for ruining their lives by living a lie.

What! how could you do that?

Do you know what she said mum?

Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

Two of my family members have recently converted to Islam and have brought shame on my family. How do I get them back into the fold of Hinduism?

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

Do you regret being married to your current wife?

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.